entry 1: ruins

ive scoured through a few sylvan trails by the oakwood area, and let me tell you, it was quite painful... my soles sunk into a damp slurry of dirt for every step of the way and i could feel the pearly droplets tapping lightly, but persistently, atop of my hood from the leaves dripping above. elms.sugarberries. and looots of sycamore compared to the meadow i visited a week ago.it got annoying after three drops or four (guess who would not survive chinese water torture), id much rather it rain heavier, because then id have an excuse for sleeping in all day. im kidding. i put myself through this willingly, afterall,the weather was partly curious with the perfect amount of chill.i just had to go out today, alright? allllll-right (no you are all left)

some dirt paths were completelyyy tucked by wild grass, i had to carve a few landmarks on my own when they seem to end, make my own way when none were visible.if you see a circle with a huge x on a trunk, that was probably me. hey. following a couple of taller trees and thicker branches that led south, i found a ruined structure. a large chunk of the bricks bitten into by nature herself, the bare wall slightly lopsided now, the rest of the blocky crumbs strewn about and halfway swallowed by the ground. a small arch, with overgrown leaves birthed on its surface, stood intact despite the surrounding ruin. not my first type of find, but this one in particular had a mossy staircase that of course, takes you seemingly nowhere. unless its some kind of fae trap, which im tempted to test.maybe another day. 

someone had walked these stairs atleast once, you know. a prince muttering his last vows before going down for battle, the knight and the princess in their escapade for love, a wanderers resting place when home is lost.theyve gotten lost to time.

im just one among many.im a little bit late, though.

but maybe this is why i do it. to acknowledge whats left and whats past that no one else will remember, because everyones busy looking ahead. striving for a big, briiight future i can imagine. i should probably do the same thing. start planning, start studying, what i want to be and what i want to do. but i dont even know myself well enough to start making decisions. i dont even understand this world yet. how will i know whats good for me? 

nono, i know what to do. i know what i have to do. what im expected to be.

but maybe this is why i do it. maybe this is all ive got.